human connection

The quest for human connection i.e. humans are social beings

Here I am, almost day after day, proving myself and future others that I am consistent and that I make promises that I keep. Today’s topic will focus on human connection. We all need it, we all crave it. Humans are social beings and staying alone eventually makes us unhappy. I realise I am an extrovert, the type of person that craves human connection and with that social interaction more than others.

the need for human connection differs for introverts and extroverts

At the faraway spectrum of connection lies loneliness. Not all who are alone feel lonely though. People differ in how much human interaction they need. In general, there are two types; introverts and extroverts. Introverts are supposed to have a very active mind that needs to be « calmed down », whereas extroverts require external stimulation to become more balanced.

I feel like this distinction makes a lot of sense and I find myself to be a clear extrovert. As such, I could never understand introverts and people who voluntarily stay by themselves most of the time. I would just get lonely and soon after, depressed. Recently, I’ve been observing myself more and I defined how long the « soon after » is. It’s one full day. One full day of no interaction with the outside world is enough for me to become depressed.

In addition, I used to blame myself for not being able to cope with « alone-ness ». Which didn’t make matters any easier. I just always saw the state of alone as a hole on dark nothingness.

DEALING WITH BEING AN EXTROVERT

And so I admit, I crave human connection. I feel we all do, on some level. We are searching to find some people that we can share good and bad moments with and with the best ones, we sometimes even share our soul. It is not always easy to find the right kind of people but there are ways to deal with being an extrovert.

  1. One. Accept yourself.

Go back to one.

Okay, you got that done.

2. Two. Plan the hell ahead. Plan event, meetings with people, going to the gym, library, coffeeshop, supermarket.

3. Three. Go do it.

4. Four. Go back to three and do it. Actually do it. Walk, talk, live.

5. Five. Keep balanced and don’t overburden yourself with human connection. Even though I’m an extrovert that doesn’t mean I want people around me all the time. For the time that I spend with humans, I try to give my best by which I mean ask questions, be interested, listen, actively participate and then I run out just as anyone else.

Then, I need time to be peaceful, quiet, a journal and refocus. Meditation, etc.

mediation is part of human connection

IN SPITE OF NEEDING HUMAN connection, we must dissociate

This could very well be the conclusive phrase of the fifth step. Even if you love being with people and you need social interaction as a human being and more as an extrovert, there is a way to overload yourself. Everyone has a breaking point or the too much point, as extroverts are one of those people too.

So how to dissociate when you’ve « had » enough? It depends. You might look for a polite way or an excuse that is believable enough so you can leave. Or, if you know yourself well, you might even be able to predict how long you need before you wear out depending on how many people you are meeting, who they are, what kind of energy will the event require of you and then plan accordingly.

I don’t know whether you feel as I do sometimes, I feel obliged to be very participative in any conversation I am a part of. I don’t want to let people down or bored so I tend to ask questions and talk a lot. I also talk a lot because I like talking but I do find myself talking too much sometimes (when I’m caught in the moment) and then regretting or doubting myself.

BE SILENT

One way I’ve been trying to incorporate more balance into my social interactions is by trying silence. I mostly don’t have moments where I wouldn’t know what to say but I sometimes work on stopping myself to give the other person a chance to talk if they want to. Also, sometimes people just want to talk so I try listening more.

final word on being an extrovert

Being an extrovert has its advantages but it also has disadvantages. You are probably more comfortable in a social environment and you like to communicate. This is good. On the other hand, you might sometimes feel like you start over-sharing or talk too much for too long. I’m not completely comfortable with this part of my character yet but I did find some ways to keep balanced with / in spite of it.

Does anyone share this characteristic with me? Do you find it to be a flaw of beneficial for daily life? Let me know in the comments below and have a great evening.

2 comments on “The quest for human connection i.e. humans are social beingsAdd yours →

    1. Hello Fred, thank you for your comment! Here is a link where you can learn more: https://www.fastcompany.com/3016031/are-you-an-introvert-or-an-extrovert-and-what-it-means-for-your-career.
      And here is an excerpt from the article that could help you:
      « Introverts (or those of us with introverted tendencies) tend to recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds.

      Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from other people. Extroverts actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone. They recharge by being social. »

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